Saturday's Post

Wasn't feeling great last night, so I didn't post.

I didn't do very well yesterday. I got up with every intention of going to the gym. But the longer I sat on the couch watching TV, the less I wanted to go, and the more I wanted to eat. I started off eating fruit and drinking coffee. But it just got worse and worse. And I ended up eating fast food for lunch. Ugh.

I felt guilt later, but unfortunately my gym closes at 6 on Saturdays. So it was too late to go. I was meeting some friends for karaoke in about a hour and a half and I was looking online for a new song. I decided I could balance my laptop up on my treadmill and at least walk while I looked for a song, so that's what I did. I figured it would be 10-20 minutes of walking, but it ended up being 45 minutes and 2.25 miles. So I suppose that's better than nothing. I'm still counting that as my second skip day for working out this week. So we'll see how it all ends up. I'm hoping that since I've been lower in my calories for the other days since Wednesday, maybe it will balance out and I'll be ok. And I ddin't eat anything else after the fast food at like 4:30 yesterday.

I completely regretted my shitty eating because when I got ready to go out, NOTHING looked good and everything fit horribly. It is so depressing to barely be able to wear anything in your closet. I hate it. I just wish I could get that into my mind when the temptations arise. I just still don't feel like I've gotten into that mindset where eating right and working out is always in the forefront of my mind. And the only times I've ever really succeeded in this, it's been because I somehow had this burst of willpower that took over my mind. I don't know how it happens and when it slips away, I don't know how to get it back most of the time. So it feels like it's just this act of fate....I don't know. Hopefully I can figure out how to get it back, and just struggle through minute by minute until then.

Unfortunately, I feel like crap today. I thought I was experiencing allergies the last few days, but last night it became clear that a full-on cold was coming. And now it's here. Ugh. So hopefully I can get myself up and go workout in a little bit when the gym  opens. Wish me luck.