I don't know what to do. I don't think I've ever really felt this depressed...I just feel so completely numb to everything. Nothing feels fun, nothing makes me feel happy...
At least in California when I was lonely and homesick, I knew what I wanted. I knew where I wanted to be. Of course, now I'm here and it's not what it used to be. But now I don't even know how to fix the way I'm feeling. I don't know where to go. I don't know what to do. And pretty much the only solution I can think of is to go to sleep and stay there for a really long time.
The depression just gets worse when I look in the mirror and see how horrible I look. Or when I actually try to get myself out of the apartment to do something that might cheer me up and none of my pants fit. But I just can't seem to care enough to do what I need to fix it. I seriously don't know what to do.... I feel like I need to like go to a fitness camp for 3 months and just completely escape the stress and the decisions and the worry of my life. But unfortunately I don't have that luxury.
I just don't think I've ever felt this numb. I want to feel something. Even actual pain or heartbreak would be better...but right now it's just the dull pang of those things. I feel like I'm under water and all of the sights and sounds around me are blurred and muffled. I just don't know how to break out of this....and how far down will I be when I finally do?
I am absolutely positive that you do not look horrible. You have never looked horrible. You are an incredibly beautiful young lady, Em. One of the prettiest girls that I have ever met. I wish I could hug you right now, cous, and I wish you could see how beautiful you are through the eyes of others because you are GORGEOUS. I will be sending you all of the good vibes in the world for you to feel better.
ReplyDelete-Katy
Thanks, Katy. I appreciate that. Miss you.
ReplyDeleteKaty said it best, girl. You're sexy as hell and, more importantly, a really wonderful person. You'll get there. Give yourself a break. We can't be perfect everyday.
ReplyDeleteI miss you too. =(
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately the weight loss/fitness is not really the problem here. More like a symptom of the problem. But I'll figure it out somehow.
ReplyDelete