Ok, for real now...

I feel like maybe a switch has gone off. Unfortunately, I think I've felt like that a couple times before in the last few months, and it hasn't panned out. But hopefully this isn't just a quick burst of motivation and it will last this time.

Biggest Loser killed me tonight. It was so emotional...I cried so much. lol. But at the same time, it made me feel sad because I don't want to be sitting here watching these people changing their lives and accomplishing their goals. I want to be changing MY life and accomplishing MY goals. And I remember a day in December when I weighed in and was the lowest I got throughout the whole process. I stepped away from the scale and looked in the mirror, and for the first time, I REALLY saw my reflection. I saw everything that I had accomplished, and it literally brought tears to my eyes, because I had finally done what I set out to do. I finally accomplished my goal. I took this picture that day, and it will now serve as my reminder of what that felt like....

You can't see all that well, but I remember what I felt like. If only I still had that body now that it's actually time to wear swimsuits! Ugh.

I want to feel accomplished again. I was to inspire myself. I want to feel motivated. Lately I just don't feel motivated, organized, or driven in any aspect of my life. And I know taking this step and actually following through for more than a week will help put everything in order. I don't like the person I've been the last few months, and I certainly don't feel like I can contribute anything to any relationship in my life right now. I want to be someone that I'm proud of. And no matter how many weeks it might take my body to get back into the shape it was in that picture, my mind can be back in that place in a matter of a week. Because once I really get back on that path, I'll know it, and I'll feel great.

It's all about making a choice and I'm making it right now. It may be a battle minute by minute, day by day, but that's ok. I can win.