I had kind of a break down about my weight last night. I just felt completely overwhelmed and like I didn't know how to get back. I was lucky to have someone to listen who was very sweet and supportive about it. Unfortunately, everyone in the world could tell me I don't need to lose weight, but that wouldn't change the fact that I don't feel good about myself and I'm not happy with my weight.
I started the day feeling pretty lousy and hopeless. I felt like there was no way I was going to stick with my diet, but minute by minute, hour by hour, I did. And when I wanted to veer off course, I reasoned myself back on track. It wasn't a motivated "I can do this!" kind of thing. It was more a desperate attempt to salvage what's left of the progress I made before. But hey, it worked.
I didn't have any intention of working out today because I felt so down. But late in the afternoon at work, I started listening to Pandora radio. I put on the station that I used to listen to while I stretched after my workout. All of a sudden, I remembered what it felt like to be in that place. And it was like a light came on. So I got home from work, changed, and went straight to the gym. It didn't feel like a chore. It didn't feel like torture. It felt great. I did 35 minutes of intervals on the treadmill and 20 minutes on the elliptical. Then 25-30 minutes of weight lifting. Getting on the elliptical was like seeing an old friend! I think I spent more time on an elliptical in 2009 than I did in my own bed! I really missed it!
Breakfast: Carrot and romaine juice. Lunch: Avocado salad and a sweet potato. Dinner: Salad with carrots and tomatoes and scrambled eggs with mushrooms.
I'm not saying that this won't still be a struggle. And I don't know for sure that I'm out of the woods yet. But I think I'm starting to find my way back.
Good night.
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