Hiatus

I'm still trying to get myself pulled together here, so that's why I haven't been around. Just haven't quite known what to write lately. Feel like my thoughts are all a big mess right now. But I think I'm almost there....

It sucks because I actually kind of feel like I'm in the mood to work out tonight, but I just feel so gross and heavy from eating so badly that the idea of working out makes me feel sick. I feel like I'll look SO fat in all of my workout clothes, and worse, I'll feel so out of shape and fat while I'm trying to run. There is a big fear that I associate with working out....like even if I just take one day off, the next day I have the fear that I'm not going to be able to do it. I've actually discovered that this is a pretty common thing runners deal with. One of my friends, who has run several half marathons and one full, said she feels exactly the same way. And I've also stumbled across some stuff online while looking up other things about running. I think this is a big part of why my fitness routine is always such a slippery slope. Because once I've skipped a few days or a week, I feel really scared that I won't be able to run as far or as fast as I used to, or maybe at all. And I'll feel like I failed. So (stupidly) I feel like I'd rather just not go than face that fact. Weird. I need to just do it anyway. Even if I can't go as fast or as far as I used to, it's better than nothing. And I can always work my way back to where I was.

Anyway, I've compromised with myself that I'm going to go in the morning before I've eaten anything, so hopefully I'll feel "lighter." Plus, I'm still getting over being sick, so it's probably best to rest another day anyway (or so I'll tell myself).

Ciao.