Ughhh

Today sucked in just about every way. I woke up with a really bad headache. And just getting up in general sucked because I was sleeping really well for the first time in a while. That always happens on days when I have to get up early for work! So anyway, I was just in a pretty shitty mood, but I tried to snap myself out of it when I got to work. It was another rainy day, which meant, not a lot of business. I would have been happy about that because I was hoping to get cut early and go back to sleep! But one of the other servers had somewhere to be, so he was first cut and I ended up closing lunch. Boo. Aside from that, work was ok though and I was feeling a little more positive. THEN a stupid situation occurred which caused me to get yelled at by the CEO of the company (I think that's his title...). He's not one of the regular managers that's there every day, but actually one of the owners or something of the chain. I'm not going to go into the details, but it was extremely frustrating and I ended up crying in the back, which made it even worse because I just felt stupid. Ughhh....

So by the time I left work, I was in even more of a bad mood than I was when I got there. All I wanted to do was get back into bed, which meant I didn't do any of the errands I had planned to do on my way home.

The one positive part of the day was that I stuck to my calorie limit for the day, as much as I wanted to just go eat everything  in sight to make myself feel better. I didn't work out really...although I did walk (and run a little bit) for about 1.5 miles. Since I had a headache most of the day, and felt crappy, and worked out pretty hardcore the other 6 days of my "diet week" (Thursday-Wednesday), I figured it was ok to take the day of f- especially since taking the day off still meant walking a little bit.

Like I said, I did stay under my calorie limit, but didn't eat all that healthy. I figure calorie control is most important, and if splurging a little on some unhealthy or processed foods keeps me sticking to it, it will be ok. After all, I know I'm not going to go the rest of my life never eating another unhealthy or processed food, so I might as well be a little less restrictive so that I don't feel the need to rebel from it. However, I would like to try to do a little better than I've been doing, but It's been a tough few days. For breakfast I had 3 egg whites with mushrooms, a little cheddar cheese, and half a cup of skim milk. After work I had the rest of my carrot and sweet potato soup and some hot tea with honey. Then I had the last package of 100 calorie chocolate covered pretzels. For dinner I had sushi (yum! It's been a while) and some strawberries for dessert. When I went on my walk, the original plan was to go to Starbucks and read for a while. But it was busy and there were no empty seats, so I ended up walking to the grocery store. I was going to buy some more tea (because the kind I had earlier was borrowed from my room mate) and possibly some type of healthy dessert or something. I browsed through the bakery and saw a million things I would have loved to pig out on! I spent a long time looking at calorie information and trying to figure out if there was anything I could possibly eat that wouldn't be ridiculously unhealthy or put me over my limit. I was on the verge of just buying a big pack of donuts and going to town (so pathetic, I know!), but instead, I took control and walked away. I ended up getting a pack of whole wheat "bagelthins," which are basically just smaller/thinner bagels made by Thomas brand. Only 110 calories and 100% whole wheat, so I figured it wasn't too bad. I got some fat free cream cheese to put on top. I also found these Pillsbury brownie bites in the dairy section (with the cookie dough, etc.) Ok, not healthy. But they were only 60 calories for each one (which weren't incredibly tiny), so I figured that would be a little reward for me not buying a huge pack of donuts! They were really good, too.

So, while I didn't eat particularly healthy, I at least maintained some control. Which is promising for me because it's not just that I've been in a great mood, or not tempted to binge for whatever reason. But I've been faced with that temptation, and been an inch away from giving into it, but instead, I remember why I'm doing this and I make a better choice. Hopefully I can continue down that path.

Anyway, tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I have to get up early and work out, then I have two auditions, and then work (ugh...don't even want to be anywhere near that place after today!) Weighing myself in the morning. I'm crossing my fingers that there will be a good result.... We shall see.

Hoping with all my might that tomorrow is a better day. I'm just about ready to throw in the towel at this point.... :-/ Good night.